The idea of writing about a parent's right to discipline their child came from Tameka's blog on Sex Trafficking. Tameka states in her blog about Shaniya Davis, "How many times have you seen a mother verbally abuse a child in public or a father who grabs a little too hard at his son's arm. What did you do?" I would never condone verbal abuse but what about her question regarding the dad grabbing his son's arm? I think that incidents may occur where handling your child roughly may be in order.
I'd like to offer you a personal experience that occurred within my family that might have someone reconsider the idea of handling a child to rough. I have 8 sisters, 2 brothers, 21 nieces/nephews, 13 great nieces/nephews. One of my petite sisters standing at 5'0" and weighing 90 lbs. had a 13-year-old son who weighed 115 lbs and stood at 5'1". Throughout the entire 13 years of her son's life, she was always afraid to discipline my nephew simply because a few family members of mine think of discipline as mistreating a child. I think wrong! Needless to say, my 13-year-old nephew soon began to control my sister by monitoring her phone calls and email. When my nephew would get upset, he would throw things at her like a ream of paper, hot chocolate or his plate of food if he didn't like what they were having for dinner. Whenever they visited anyone's house, he'd tell my sister where to sit and believe it or not, she would listen to him. He began to miss a lot of school and when my sister would force him to go; he would throw a tantrum like a 2-year-old. His behavior got worse and soon became more physical. My sister now feared being alone at home with her own son. Now, I ask you this, does this give my sister the right to grab my nephew's arm to hard?
Want to hear more shocking news? My entire family did nothing but talk to him about his behavior including my brother and sister-in-law. As for me, I wasn't aware of this until a week prior to my nephew coming down to visit with my brother, sister in-law and their kids. My brother and sister-in-law felt that my sister could use a break and asked that I speak and put the fear in him. I allowed everyone to enjoy their week of vacation and gathered my thoughts and frustrations in order to determine the best way to handle him. Two days prior to them leaving, I called our troubled nephew up to my room and slowly closed the door. I demanded in an angry tone for him to sit down. I began my discussion by telling him that I love him just as much as I love my sister. I expressed my feelings about his behavior and put the fear in him just as my drill instructors did to me during Marine Corps boot camp. I told him that if he laid another finger on my sister, I'd personally fly down to Illinois and take custody of him. I also informed him that once I received custody, I'd become his worst nightmare.
By no means did I ever threaten to hit him but rest assure, I did reiterate to him that if he attempted to get physical with me, I'd have no problem practicing self defense as all Marines are taught. I warned my nephew that by law, I'm required to provide him shelter, clothing, and food. I then proceeded to tell him that his shelter would be my tent set up in the backyard; his clothing would be worn for 5 days before I'd allow him to change, and as for food, I told him that he'd get my leftovers. At the end of our conversation, I asked him if he understood what I said. His response was: "Yes ma'am."
We both walked downstairs and he sat quietly on the couch for the remainder of the day. My brother and sister-in-law approached me because they noticed a change in our nephew's behavior. I just reassured them that our sister should no longer have an issue and if she does, then I best get an immediate phone call from someone. They both hugged me a thanked me for getting involved. My response, "That's what family is for."
Two weeks after my brother returned home with our nephew and the rest of his family, I received a phone call from our sister with our troubled nephew asking if he could come live with me for awhile. Without hesitation, I agreed and a week later he was living in my home. Surprisingly to all family members but me, my nephew made the A/B honor roll and received perfect attendance his 8th grade year at Ni River Middle School. Today, he is living back in Illinois with another another older sibling and continues to struggle with maintaining his grades and attendance. Being that he is a sophomore now, I'm really contemplating on bringing him back to Virginia so that I can ensure that he graduates and doesn't drop out like some of my other nieces/nephews.
My nephew never knew his father because he left after my sister told him she was pregnant. My brother attempted to help my sister from time to time by stepping in as a father figure but he had a family of his own and they lived in different towns.
Discipline is a critical aspect of raising a child but one extreme for one child maybe different then that of another child. Every child is different and some actually do need some sense knocked into them but it all depends on their personality and behavior.
